I got chris browned last night
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
