i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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