I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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