So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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