david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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