i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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