well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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