my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
