So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
