Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
