ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
