I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
