my room smells like sperm. sweet.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
