yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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