I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
