Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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