Christians are straight up FREAKS
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
