note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
