Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
