Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
