My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We are two peas in an std pod
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
