no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
