hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
