Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
