Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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