im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My pussy is not your playground.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
