My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
