hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
