i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
