____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
