So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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