my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
i think i just lost a toe
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
