is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
