Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
