hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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