"it" just moved
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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