My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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