So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
