I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
