you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
