No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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