Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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