I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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