Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
