she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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