Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
