He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
