I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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