According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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