no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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