I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
