How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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