She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
