when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
