Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize